Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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