We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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