i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
