just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
