you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
