i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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