Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found your dick twin last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
