chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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