At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize