I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he fucked my hip out of place.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
