the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
