I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
