well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Holy sore nipples Batman
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
