Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
