Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
