D3 body, D1 cock
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
