You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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