Just fell off a train. Bad.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
