everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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