So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
