I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
