OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
