So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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