In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
