He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
