hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
