Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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