my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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