arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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