Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
