i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
