I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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