Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
