Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
