My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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