so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
