just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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