I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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