we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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