I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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