I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
