Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
