I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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