I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
