His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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