the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
