im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
