Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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