What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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