would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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