Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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