Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
