awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He shit in the fireplace
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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