I want to walk on stilts...naked
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
