you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
