Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
