I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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