I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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