we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
not ubering you a puppy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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