Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
